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calichika04
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Name: joey
Metro:
Birthday: 6/18/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: i love getting to know more about my wonderful Creator! i am interested in going to the Philippines to serve the Lord there til im old and gray and cant hardly move!
Expertise: asking the most random questions.!!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
AIM:  yoshionejoey
MSN: littleone_la@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  ourownlittleone
Member Since:
1/25/2004
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| He calls out my name and tells me He has something for me. I lean over to see what it is..and He says.."No, draw closer"..I look around to see if anyone can see this too, and He tells me "no, this ones just for you". So, i take one step and then stretch out my hand, and He says "No..i want you closer". So, i think to myself..and wonder what is going on..n i sense some frustration in me because i dont know what He wants from me, so i look up at Him and i ask "what do You want?" and i get silence. I curiously look around again...and the desire to have what He wants to give me pushes me forward and i take one more step. i stand a while and wonder what He is doing. And i get an answer, "I AM drawing you in". So, i stand with a mischievious smile before Him n look up from underneath my bangs and i understand that He is just enough. While im standing accepting that He is pursuing me, He leans out and watches me amused..i am His little girl dancing in the sun..He whispers my name and bids me to come ever closer..i stand still..and think "i am Yours" and move closer.. | | |
| sometimes my heart cannot express what brokeness it feels.. often times i find myself wanting to be a professional liar, or an amazing pretender..so i wouldnt wear my heart on my face, or respond with complete honesty, sometimes u fail as a friend to be a good christian. everyone requests accountability but no one really talks about how hard it is to uphold that or to accept the consequences that come with that. community self corrects but oh gosh, how hard discipline is to submit to. when we give into sin we do not measure the outcome, what might come from it, what we lose because of it. its hard to see our sin in the grand scheme of things and its hard to be a friend and want to see it only in the smaller picture hoping and thinking it will not have a bigger affect. sometimes u break because uve fallen, other times u break because u watch others fall. how do we meausure grace and mercy when its extended in love or how do we accepted it when its extended in rebuke..at times the Lord asks u to pray for someone other times He asks u to sacrifice for someone.. at differnt times u yearn and long to be back in a place and at others u wonder where ur heart has gone to because u cannot find it. at nights sometimes u dont sleep with excitement for the next day others, u lay awake dreading what will come. | | |
| i catch myself dreaming awake lately..and although they are dreams i smile at the potential they hold to becoming reality...a purpose and plan for my future..i love that promise. surely dreaming will lead me there if its followed up by action. i have 11 more months of nursing school left and ive started praying that God will give me a vision and direction, stepping stones to fulfilling His will for my life. i dream of community, of restoration, transformation, of justice for a people robbed of peace, robbed of safety, robbed of life.. a people who live life hopelessly not knowing and unaware that there is no room for hopeless people or communities..Hope came for the broken, for the unloved, it came for the downtrodden and for the leftbehind, it came to shed light on the lost and unforgiven. so what is my role in this?? where do i stand in the gap? HOW do i stand in the gap? what gifts has the Lord given me for His service and for his people...im praying. im dreaming. im waiting. i dont know what the future holds and when the answers will come. all i know is that my heart is yearning. its seeking. its hoping. its waiting. my mind is filled with unspoken words, my heart holds on to unspoken dreams. i need a voice bigger than mine. i need hands that will stretch beyond my reach. i need a heart that will love beyond my ability. i will not tell of what my heart sees..i will keep waiting that clarity will come, that His direction will guide and that i will be selfless enough to do whatever He calls me to do.. i have nothing to offer this world other than my life, my hands, the knowledge given to me, the gifts bestowed upon me, and my heart. what gain have i in this world if i live for myself? what does heaven profit if i look only to myself? praying for the future, living and waiting in the present... my heart is steadfast oh God my heart is steadfast.. | | |
| often times ive wondered where he is at. n wats taking him so long. i wonder what he looks like, what he smells like and what he loves to do. i pray that the Lord will tell him that he is gonna have to daily choose to love me because i wont always be loveable. I know the Lord will tell him to be patient with me because im a little slow..im slow at recognizing the obvious, im slow at accepting the undenyable, and im slow to fall in love. not bcause im unwilling, its because im extremely cautious due to past battle wounds in life. i wondered if there is that one who will choose not to change my life and make it better, but just live it with me daily, one step at a time. i miss him even if i havent met him. i find myself praying for him...cant wait to share all my stories with him and to laugh super hard n hear his laugh chiming in with mine. i want to catch a glimpse of his eyes watching me. i want to know that he knows in his heart im worth it. i cant wait to meet the grace of this loving humble man. while he walks his life to meet with mine imma keep praying for him and dreaming of him...waiting for him. | | |
| im at one of those points in life where im reevaluating my beliefs..not my Jesus beliefs..more or less why and how i live my life. One thing ive always wanted to do is live in freedom. lately ive recognize that alot of times i live in fear. fear of not knowing, fear of people hurting me, fear of loving too much, fear of not loving enough. fear of displeasing people or not pleasing enough, u get my jist. SOOOOOOOOOOO... the Lord n i are in this process of letting go of those..past hurts and future fears wont hold me down! haha..not that theyve ever..in some cases..ive always lived my life doing whatever i feel the Lord leading me to do..but sometimes ive dragged my feet and it wasnt til the fact after that i realize had i gladly gone there then i would have enjoyed it more or not taken it for granted. Im turning 24 here soon and i never wanna lose that edge ive always had in me..of going wherever the Lord leads me and doing whatever He puts on my heart. It isnt worth living another year if im gonna live it the same way. i think 23 was my fearful year..and still my recovering year of so many hurts..BUT..i cant live like that forever..so..im moving on. i think. please remind me when i cry about it!! haha..i love you my friends who take the time to read this. For those around me, please bare with me in patience and display whatever amount of grace the Lord has put in ur heart for me.. im walking on sunshine..n boy it feels good! | | |
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